Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned
by Nijihime
Summary: You think England has it bad for living with three older brothers? HA! Try dealing with two moody older sisters and one younger, gender-confused sibling like Japan has to, then we'll see who's talking. MultiSaku.
1. Japan's 'Wonderful' Family

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or Hetalia: Axis Powers.

**Genre: **Humor/Family

**Warnings: **AU-ish, made up history for the Lands of Fire, Earth and Water.

**Summary: **You think England has it bad for living with three older brothers? HA! Try dealing with two moody older sisters and one younger, gender-confused sibling like Japan has to! Then we'll see who's talking.

* * *

><p>Peace. Sweet, wonderful, so horribly hard to obtain... pea-<p>

''INO, YOU DAMN HOOKER, GIMMIE BACK MY BOKKEN!''

''AHAHA, you'll never catch me!''

''Get back here you-''

Japan slammed his head against the table, sighing. Every time, every single time when he almost felt like things would go his way, something has to go wrong. He was seriously beginning to regret letting his sisters stay with him.

...No, that was a lie. He never regretted that, at least not fully. He loved all three of them, loved them so much he hardly stayed sane while they were under that dreadful man's rule. It didn't matter in which way, he helped them whenever he could until finally, they became independent, one by one.

Sakura had been the first, she had always been powerful, no matter how beaten and crushed she was. She was closest to him in age and much more understanding towards his shy, withdrawn nature than most people he knew, which only strengthened his feeling that she was his favorite sibling.

Sakura Haruno, better known as the Land of Fire, was a fiery young lady with a short temper and sharp tongue. Japan remembered when he was little and she was still known as the Fire Domina, the Queen of Flames who crushed everyone daring enough to threaten her. She looked magnificent even then; with her pastel pink hair cut short and the emeralds she had for eyes shining with a dancing fire, her lovely pale face twisted into a wild grin and her slim body clad in red - the color of victory and bravery, two things that described her so well back in the day. Now she had calmed down and hid her wild nature from the world – her hair was long, that wild grin only rarely surfaced, but her eyes never changed. Those enchanting green eyes that always shone with emotion, a strength like none he had ever seen and an unbreakable spirit – Japan adored those eyes.

Ino had been the next to break free, with a long struggle, but it had been worth it in the end, just like everything when it came to her.

Ino Yamanaka, more often referred to as the Land of Earth, was as different from her younger sister as one could possibly be. She was beautiful, oh yes, looking almost too much out of place in East Asia with her extremely long blonde hair and sapphire colored eyes, not to mention the curvatious body she took great pride in flaunting around, much to Sakura's annoyance and Japan's embarrassment. But for all her beauty, Ino was never as organized and prepared as her siblings when it came to wars, which was probably the reason she became a French colony so easily. It wasn't like she disliked it, she actually enjoyed spending time with France, much to everyone's horror. It seemed the European nation had rubbed off on her as well, as she was like the female version of France – gorgeous, but perverted beyond all help. She gained her independence without much of a fuss, since France had grown too fond of her to actually wage war on her, and that was where the trouble started. Ino wasn't nearly as experienced in the art of fighting as Sakura, who was in wars almost every waking moment of her past, so she relayed mostly on her sister for help and that brought the two closer than anything else. Sure, they argued like a cat and a dog, but if you hurt one of them, the other was going to beat you into the next century, whether you were France, Russia or even Japan.

Haku, however, needed help from both the sisters to gain independence – luckily, there hadn't been much of a battle due to the tiny country's size. After all, have you ever heard of a powerful nation having a war with a country barely any bigger than a micronation when compared with the other Shinobi Nations? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Haku Yuki, the Land of Water, was probably the most confusing of Japan's sisters, I mean siblings. See, Haku was a very, very, very feminine child. Actually, Japan had been certain Haku was a girl until Sakura had formerly introduced them, making him suffer quite probably the worst shock of his life. Still, he could at least blame not knowing the small nation even existed for a long time, since the child had been under their oldest brother's rule for as long as they could remember. And while Haku was the closest in appearance to Japan, his personality was the extra opposite. Kind, cheerful and with a heart almost too big for him, there was no-one who could possibly not grow to love the tiny thing.

''Gee, you didn't need to him me so hard, ya know, Saki?''

''You deserved it.''

''Aw, I love you too.''

''Why of course. Can you set the table, please?''

''Sure.''

''Thanks. Haku-chan, can you get Japan-chan for me and tell him dinner is ready?''

''Hai, Onee-chan!''

Yes, his siblings were almost as complicated as their relationship – his independent sisters and brother choosing to live with him of their own free will... Japan cracked a smile. He was blessed (cursed?) with such annoying and confusing yet so very lovable and caring people. If only he could be a better brother to them...

''Onii-san!'' the shoji door slid open and Haku's chubby face surrounded by black hair peeked inside. ''Onee-chan says dinner is ready.''

He didn't deserve their love, their devotion. He pushed them aside when they were trying to help, he couldn't be there when they needed him most, he couldn't bring himself to apologize or hug or show affection to any of them even now.

''Onii-chan?'' brown eyes, so much like his own, stared at him worriedly.

The ones he loved so much it neared impossible, got hurt so many times because of him...

''Onii-chan? Should I tell Onee-chan you're not feeling well?''

''No,'' he stood up. ''Thank you, Haku-chan. Tell Aneue I will be down in a moment.''

''Anything for you, Onii-chan~!'' the child smiled gleefully and slid the door shut, running back to the kitchen to report to Sakura. Japan smiled slightly.

He really doesn't deserve such a (wonderful?) family.

* * *

><p>Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it's a wrap. Huh, I actually enjoyed writing this almost a bit too much ^^'<p>

Now, to ease the confusion:

- Ino, Sakura and Haku are three of Japan's siblings and the ones that can actually stand him (there are two others and they hate him with a passion.)

- Ino is the oldest and largest and Haku is the youngest and smallest.

- The history of Ino, Saku and Haku is half made up (I'll follow some of the things mentioned in Naruto anime/manga (let's say, names of some leaders), but other than that, it's just my imagination).

- Yes, I am going to refer to them by their names. Shut up.

Dictionary

**Bokken** – wooden sword

**Onee-chan **– Big sister

**Onii-chan **– Big brother

**Shoji **– Japanese sliding door

**Aneue **– Older sister (very respectful)

_**Read and Review~?**_


	2. Awesome Story of Awesomeness

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or Hetalia: Axis Powers.

**Warnings: **AU-ish, crack, general silliness

* * *

><p>''… And then Mei-chan became Mizukage and the terror of Yagura-san was over.''<p>

''Wow! Water, your history is so cool, even though you're a micronation like me! That's so awesome!''

''Hehe, thanks! Ne, Onee-chan, are we there yet?''

''GET OFFA THE ROAD IF YOU AIN'T GONNA DRIVE, RETARD!'' Sakura roared out the window before rolling it up and smiling over her shoulder at her little brother and his best friend. ''We're almost at England-san's house, boys. Say, Sea-chan, are you sure you don't want us to drive you over to Sweden-san? Don't you live with him?''

''Nope, I'm staying the weekend over at Jerk England's house,'' Sealand said. ''Papa doesn't mind... I think.''

''You think?''

''It's kind of hard to understand what he says and Mama wasn't there to translate,'' Sealand shrugged. ''Really, big sis, it's fine.''

''If you say so,'' Sakura sighed, glancing back uneasily. She really didn't want to be on the receiving end of the scary North European nation's wrath. She shuddered at the mere though of it, but then something else caught her attention. ''Sea-chan, are you sure this is the place?''

''Yes, that's Jerk England's house,'' Sealand and jumped out of the car immediately after the young woman parked. ''Hey, you two are going to stay for a bit, aren't you?''

''Probably not,'' Haku answered. ''Otherwise Onii-chan is going to throw a fit again.''

''Huh?''

''Kiku overreacts to a lot of things,'' Sakura cut in. ''Especially when it comes to us, his siblings, spending time with others. Especially males. You should see him when he finds out Ino went out on a date.''

''Where is auntie Ino, anyway?''

''She's... busy,'' Sakura answered, not knowing how to explain Ino's plans for the night to a kid.

''Aw, I was hoping she could be here for this,'' Sealand pouted. The pinkette sent him a suspicious look.

''Sea-chan,'' she started. ''You wouldn't happen to be planning anything, would you?''

''E-eh? Of course not!'' the micronation answered a bit too quickly. Lucky for him, they had just reached the door. Sakura sent him another searching look and sighed before ringing the bell. Something told her this wasn't going to end well.

And, once again, her gut feeling was right.

''Hey, you guys made it!'' the door swung open to reveal a certain hyperactive blonde, commonly known as America. ''Nice job, Sealand, you brought them here just in time!''

''Ehehehehe...'' said boy smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head when he saw the murderous look the girl he had come to call 'big sis' was giving him. ''It wasn't my idea, I swear!''

''America, what's going on?'' Sakura snapped and glared at the North American nation she had become 'friends' with recently.

''It shall all be explained later.''

''You fail at trying to sound mysterious.''

''You don't have to be so mean about it!'' America whined. The girl opened her mouth to retort, but he quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her inside, motioning for the two smaller countries to follow. ''Man, this is gonna be awesome! Everyone's been so gloomy lately, but this will cheer 'em up!'' he told his hostage while dragging her through the house.

''If you haven't noticed, some countries are having serious trouble,'' Sakura answered, (unsuccessfully) trying to kill him with her look.

''That's just another reason for them to losses up tonight,'' the leading superpower of the world said cheerfully, making the other country roll her eyes, but sigh and give up anyway. Maybe a bit of fun wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe, just maybe.

''And we're all here!'' America yelled happily once he and Sakura entered what was probably once a living room. The furniture had been moved to the sides or the next room to allow enough room for the assembled nations, all of who were looking at the newcomers, some curiously and some just looked like they didn't give a damn about the whole thing. Sakura's eyes swept across the room and she concluded that pretty much ¾ of Europe and Asia, along with the whole North America were there.

'Funny,' she though. 'I can't help but think North America is made of two countries... that's silly, only America lives there. But still...'

''I bet you're all wondering why I called you all here.''

''I'm also wondering why the bloody hell you chose my house for whatever this poppycock is,'' England said, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at his former colony. America pointed at him accusingly.

''See, this is what I'm talking about!'' he yelled. ''You've all been acting so depressed lately and it's pissing me off!''

''The behavior is completely reasonable due to the crisis, America-san,'' Japan, sitting besides England, pointed out. ''Also, it would be very much appreciated if you let go of Aneue.''

America blinked at him before turning his head towards his hand, occupying the pinkette's shoulder. Sakura gave him a sickeningly sweet smile.

''Take it off or I'll break it off,'' she sang. America gulped and slowly let go of her shoulder. ''Alright, now would you please explain why you made Sea-chan trick me into coming here?''

''I'm sorry, big sis, but he promised he'd think about recognizing me as a country!''

''Sea-chan, we'll talk about this later. America, spit it out already before I make it impossible for people to know what gender you are.''

''… You're kidding, right, Fire?''

''She's serious, aru. Aiya, she spent too much time with that brother of hers!''

''Hey! You leave Onii-san out of this-''

''You used to be so cute back then, aru. Always following me around and asking me for stories...''

''I said shut up you sentimental old-''

''Onee-chan, how do you make it impossible for someone to know what gender they are?''

''Eheheh, well, Haku-chan...''

''She meant she was going to cut his dick off.''

''HONG KONG!''

''Onee-chan, what's a dick?''

''…'' all assembled nations turned towards Sakura, eager to know how she was going to explain this one.

''Um...'' the girl scratched the back of her head. ''Well...''

''I'VE GOT IT!'' America yelled, effectively saving the rosette from having to explain a very embarrassing theme. ''We'll tell stories!''

''Wait...'' England stared at him blankly. ''You called everyone here without even thinking about what we were supposed to do?''

''I was kinda thinking it would all work out once everyone was together. And it did! Trust me, we're gonna think of some badass stories!''

''Did you happen to drop him on his head when he was little?'' Germany, sitting on the other side of England, asked said man.

''Maybe two of three times,'' the bushy-browed nation admitted, making the German nod.

''And the first one to have the honor of thinking of his or her story will be...'' America scanned the room. ''...our very own Land of Fire!''

''Eh?'' Sakura, who had just sat down between China and Hong Kong with Haku on her lap, looked at him in pure horror. ''Why the hell me? Isn't it enough that I have to be here?''

''Oh come on, for me?'' the blonde gave her his best puppy dog look. It was super ineffective.

''Go jump in a volcano, kthnx.'' numerous chuckles erupted from the crowd of countries.

''All right, then we'll just do it the hard way,'' America muttered. ''Sealand, Water! Activate Super Chibi Kawaii Desu Moe Mode!''

''Pwease, Onee-chan/big sis?'' both boys looked at the girl with wide, tearful eyes and trembling lips.

Now, to put it bluntly, Sakura could ignore a lot of things. She could ignore Ino, she could ignore Japan's socially retarded behavior, she could sometimes even ignore France and his perverted passes (On the good days. Mostly, she just beat him to a bloody pulp or sent him flying with a chakra punch.) But she could never ignore Haku, especially when he looked so damn cute.

''Fine...'' she sighed and closed her eyes. ''I don't need to wear grandma glasses, do I?''

''Nope. Just start already!''

''Fine, fine. Kehm...

_One upon a time, there lied a kingdom, hidden from the eyes of the rest of the world. The kingdom was peaceful and happy thanks to their king. The king-_

''What's his name?''

_Huh?_

''Well, he has to have a name.''

_Fine. His name was Arthur. Happy, England-san? Anyway, King Arthur was fair and... kind, I guess. In his own way..._

''Ohohohon, I beg to differ.''

_...and he had a wife named Francis who loved to colonize people's sister. He was also the biggest pervert in the world and the people of the kingdom had a tendency to throw stuff at him whenever the hell they felt like it because he sucked. _

''Dude, you just got owned.''

_King Arthur and Queen Francis also had a retarded son named Alfred who they locked inside a tower because he was just too damn stupid._

''Hey!''

_Oh come on, you should have seen that coming. Moving along, King Arthur and Queen Francis knew how stupid their son was and didn't want to leave their kingdom to someone who thought hamburgers heal colds and because they couldn't have any more kids-_

''Aneue, if I may ask, how did they even have Alfred if both of them were male?''

_Because shut up. A magician did it. Would you stop interrupting me?_

''Please forgive me.''

_It's okay. Where was I? Ah, yes, Arthur and Francis were searching for a new heir. They invited princes of all the lands they knew of, but none of them passed their expectations. Sadly, tragedy struck when they least needed it and the king's little brother Peter was kidnapped by the evil Warlock Ivan..._

''How dare you name a character in this worthless story after my big brother-''

_...and his beautiful wife Natalia whom he loved very much._

''...Continue.''

_Anyhow, the king and queen were devastated. And because this is just another cliché story I'm making up as I go, a hero appeared when they needed him most. And no, America, you're not the hero, you're an idiot who's locked inside a tower._

''Poo.''

_The hero was-_

''Me, of course!''

_Prussia-san, I don't think..._

''Come on, Fraulein, you know I'm too awesome to be left out of this story.''

_Fine. The hero was a knight named Gilbert. He rode inside the palace on a horse as fast as lightning-_

''How come Prussia gets to be cool?''

_-but the horse stopped suddenly and Gilbert flew across the throne room and landed directly in front of the depressed king and queen._

''Heh, nice.''

_And because all the other princes and knights were scared away by the warlock, King Arthur and Queen Francis allowed Gilbert to take on the quest of bringing back Prince Peter._

''I'm a prince? Cool, desu yo!''

_Kehm. So, Gilbert set out on the quest, determined to save the prince and get the kingdom as a reward. He rode for several hours, but grew tired and decided to spend the night in an inn. And no, Prussia-san, you didn't get laid there. The women in this kingdom were very respectable and would never do something like that. _

''Damn.''

_Gilbert walked inside the inn and immediately saw something was off about it. Many men inside it looked mighty suspicious and not worthy of his trust. However, he knew that Warlock Ivan was very clever and dangerous and had probably placed numerous traps around his icy palace to take care of any unwanted visitors. Gilbert decided it would be wise to find some companions to accompany him on his quest, but he would have to be careful to avoid being discovered by spies._

''I was good, eh?''

_Yeah, yeah, whatever. Gilbert sat down and ordered something to drink. He looked around the bar and saw many discretely looking in his direction. And it wasn't because of his looks._

''It wasn't?''

_Would someone please shut him up? Anyway, Gilbert was on guard for a sudden attack. However, nothing out of the ordinary happened and he soon retired to the room he had been given. He walked inside, but when he did, he saw an unknown man sitting on his bed! The man opened his mouth and said-_

''Wanna see my ax?''

TWACK!

''Moron...''

_Um, thank you, Norway-san. And no, Denmark, the man actually said: 'I hear you are on a quest.'_

_'Who wants to know?' Gilbert asked suspiciously. The man stood up and came closer. Gilbert suddenly realized it was his old friend Antonio! They had not seen each other ever since... um..._

''Gilbert got kicked out of knight school?''

_Exactly! Thanks, Hungary-chan. After Gilbert and Antonio had their share of discussing things that had happened to them since they hadn't seen each other, Gilbert remembered something._

_'How did you know I was on a quest to save Prince Peter?'_

_'It seems Warlock Ivan had already found out you are coming to save the prince. He sent many powerful spies to search for you. Gilbert, take me with you! It would be foolish to go alone!'_

''Wow, story-me is really heroic, huh?''

''At least you aren't locked inside a tower...''

_Oh, stop sulking, would you, America? Back to the story; Gilbert agreed to team up with Antonio and as soon as the sun rose the next day, they continued their journey, looking all fine and dashing-_

''...Aneue?''

_W-what? That's normal for heroes in Western culture! I think... either way, they traveled until they reached a small village. Our two heroes were tired, so they once again took shelter in an inn. As soon as they sat down, they were joined by-_

''This time, it has to be me! Come on, please?''

_All right, all right, they were joined by a man named Mathias who failed his test for being a knight so he decided to help them in order to become one. Sadly, it didn't work that way, but Mathias was too thick-headed to care._

''Sh' g't y' th'r'.''

_'I heard a legend,' Mathias said after he was excepted into the team. 'That you can only kill a warlock with a special sword hidden inside a mysterious lake.'_

''King Arthur reference much?''

_Shut up, England-san._

_'In which lake is this sword hidden?' Gilbert asked. _

_'How the hell am I supposed to know?' Mathias shrugged and took another swing of his beer, making his two companions sweat-drop. 'However, I have a friend who knows a powerful witch who may be able to help you. Should I take you to him?'_

_'Yes, we will pay him a visit first thing in the morning,' Gilbert and Antonio agreed. True to his words, Mathias took them to his friend-_

''Norway, right?''

_Sure, why not. Mathias took them to his friend Erik. And while the young man was at first unwilling to help them because he just got rid of Mathias and his annoying-ness, he was finally persuaded into joining their team. He also agreed to take them to the witch._

_'Be very polite and watch what you say,' Erik told them when they arrived in front of the witch's house. 'He's very touchy, especially about his... feminine appearance.' after confusing the shit out of his new allies, he knocked on the door._

_'I have foreseen that you will come...'_

''Please don't tell me-''

_'...aru.'_

''You're not cute anymore, aru.''

_Oh, I love you too! Anyway, Erik, followed by our two heroes and Mathias, went inside. They found themselves inside a darkened room with only a table in the middle of it. A crystal ball was on the table and a person was sitting behind it._

_'It's good to see you, Erik, aru. Who have you brought with you?' the person asked._

_'This is Gilbert, knight of...' hey, we haven't named out kingdom yet, have we?_

''How about Americaland?''

''You idiot, that's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I say we named it the United Kingdom of Fairytale and Wonderland.''

''Dude... that's gay.''

_Enough! We'll just name it... um... Abracadabra-Avada-Kedavra-America-is-Dumb Land. Or AAKAD Land for short. _

''Why do you hate me so much?''

_You almost hit me with that dumb atomic bomb of yours, lardass, even though I was neutral during WWII! _

''I said I was sorry!''

_Sorry doesn't cut it, you-_

''Let's get back to the story, da? I want to hear how it ends~''

_O-of course. Where was I again? Oh, right:_

_'This is Gilbert, knight of _Abracadabra-Avada-Kedavra-America-is-Dumb_ Land, Antonio, knight of...' uhh... 'the Sun Empire and Mathias who's... just Mathias.' Erik introduced them. 'And this is Yao, a powerful witch and old lover-' I mean friend! Old friend of Warlock Ivan's!_

''Belarus, get that knife away from her.''

_Holy... let's just continue. _

_'Yao, do you know anything about the sword that is supposedly the only thing powerful enough to kill warlocks?' Gilbert asked._

_'Yes, I do,' Yao answered. _

_'Would you tell us, please?' Antonio asked._

_'Depends on what you shall give me in return, aru.'_

_'Well, what do you want?' our heroes asked._

''Ivan's panties- OW! Norge, that hurt!''

_'What I want, aru? The sword is hidden inside a lake guarded by a sorceress no one has been able to beat. She has the body of a woman, but the strength of a dragon and cunning nature of a fox.'_

''That's you, right, big sis?''

_What? No, I actually meant for it to be Hunga-_

''It has to be you! I want you to help save story-me too, desu yo!''

_Ugh, fine._

_'And her name is Sakura, Lady of the Lake. She was once my student, but she had been corrupted by-'_

''The evil ways of her older brother, who was one of Ivan's most powerful servants, aru.''

_Alright, if it will make you feel any better..._

_'She was a very promising student, aru, and I want you to bring her back,' Yao declared._

_'But how?' Gilbert wondered. 'You said no one had been able to beat her.' _

_'Yes, she is unbeatable in sorcery, thanks to the dark magic her brother has taught her. But, this magic may also be her downfall, aru. You see, you may engage her in a battle free of sorcery. Get her to make a bet with you and seal it with magic. Let's say, if she wins, you will allow her to do anything she wants with you, but if you win, she will give you the sword and accompany you on your journey, helping you in all ways she can, aru.'_

_'But will she except the challenge?' Antonio asked._

_'Sakura's pride is fierce and she will not let a lowly knight challenge her and get away with it, aru. Trust me, she will except and give it her all. Now go and bring my apprentice back unharmed!'_

''Hey, da-ze! What about me? I'm in the story too, right?''

_'Oh, I almost forgot, aru!' Yao slapped his forehead. 'My current apprentice is a boy named Yong Soo. Would you please take him with you so he may learn the values of the world, aru?'_

_'Is that why you want this girl back so badly?' Erik asked._

_'That and I miss the dango she used to make, aru. It was delicious!'_

''SAKURA! Did you read my diary again, aru?''

_Maybe~ Anyway, out heroes plus Mathias and Yong Soo bid farewell to Yao and continued with their journey, following the directions the witch had given them._

''Remind me again why I'm a witch, aru?''

_Because Russia-san's already a warlock, story-me is a sorceress and Norway-san's a magician, so suck it up, Yao-nii. _

_After crossing several bridges and climbing many mountains, our heroes-_

''_Awesome_ heroes.''

_Our _awesome _heroes finally reached the lake where the Lady of the Lake resided. And sure enough, as soon as they got off their horses and went closer to investigate, they spotted a girl sitting on a rock. She spotted them as well and stood up, hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed._

_'Halt,' she ordered. 'Who dares disturb me?'_

_'Are you Sakura, Lady of the Lake?' Gilbert asked, just to make sure he wouldn't waste his time, which was running out, on the wrong person. _

_'Yes, that is me. Introduce yourself and state your purpose, quickly,' Sakura snapped._

_'I am Gilbert, knight of _Abracadabra-Avada-Kedavra-America-is-Dumb_ Land. These are my companions, Antonio, knight of the Sun Empire, Erik, magician of Scandinavialot, Mathias, the one who supplies comic-relief and Yong Soo, who is here to learn what it means to be a real man. I would like to challenge you, Lady of the Lake.'_

_'What kind of challenge?'_

_'A challenge of... rock, paper, scissors.'_

''Seriously, Fraulein? You make me sound unawesome.''

_'That's it?' the lady blinked._

_'Ah, wait until you hear him out,' Erik advised her._

_'Get on with it then, I don't have all day.'_

_'If I win, you will give me the sword hidden inside the lake Warlock Ivan ordered you to guard,' Gilbert smirked at her shocked expression._

_'How do you know about that?' she hissed._

_'Let's say we had a little talk with your former master, Yao,' Mathias said. _

_'That old fool,' Sakura growled. 'What else did he tell you?'_

_'Apparently you make very good dango,' Antonio shrugged._

_'That's all he told you?' the girl raised her eyebrows in surprise._

''What, do you think I go around telling people things like the fact that your first crush was- OUCH, aru!''

_SHUT UP! THEY DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT! Anyway..._

_'So you want the sword?' _

_'Not only the sword,' Gilbert said. 'I also want-'_

''Your panties.''

BAAAAM!

''Continue, Fire dear~''

_U-uh, thanks, Hungary-chan. _

_'I also want you to accompany me on my quest to save Prince Peter, helping me along the way.'_

_'And if you lose?'_

_'You may do whatever you want with Mathias and Yong Soo.'_

''HEY (DA-ZE)!''

_'Challenge excepted,' Sakura came closer to Gilbert and extended her hand. The knight held it, figuring it was what she wanted him to do. 'I swear on my pride and power as a sorceress to follow the terms you have laid out in all ways I can.' a thin, vibrant purple colored string wrapped around their hands and disappeared; the Lady of the Lake had sealed their deal with magic._

_'Whenever you're ready, m'lady.'_

_'Bring it.'_

_'ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!' both of them yelled. Gilbert decided to go with rock, since he was certain it would beat anything and Sakura..._

''…''

…

''…?''

…

''Just tell us already, woman!''

_Heh._

_'You cheated,' Sakura continued to whine, even after they couldn't see the lake she was supposed to guard anymore. The girl kept her promise and, although grumpily and unwillingly, gave Gilbert the sword, which was now safely in his sheath. But on the other hand, she didn't have much of a choice._

_'Say,' Antonio turned towards her. 'What were to happen if you broke your promise?'_

_The lady sent him a blank stare._

_'It's that bad, huh?'_

_'Yeah.' _

''What, would your boobs, like, fall off or something?''

''Ha! The joke's on you, Poland, Fire doesn't have any boobs!''

_America, do you want a punch?_

''N-no...''

_THEN SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU LITTLE DIRTBAG!_

''Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am!''

_Anyhow, since my throat's starting to hurt from all the talking and I'm getting sick of all your interruptions, let's just say they got there, beat Ivan, saved Peter and-_

''Hold it.''

_Y-yes, Belarus-san?_

''Make brother and me have a tragic and romantic farewell. NAO.''

_Hai!_

_'Ivan, no!' Natalia screamed as Gilbert delivered the final blow to her beloved husband. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she ran towards him, only to gasp in surprise when a strange force restrained her from coming closer. 'W-what?'_

_'I'm sorry, Natasha,' Ivan smiled weakly. The young woman couldn't help but think he looked handsome, even as he lied on the cold floor of their castle, covered in blood and just barely supporting himself on his elbows. 'It... it seems I lost.' _

_'No! Please, don't-'_

_'Gilbert,' Ivan turned towards said man, who stood a few feet away from him. 'Hear the plea of a dying man...'_

_'I'm listening.'_

_'Please, take my dear Natasha with you to _Abracadabra-Avada-Kedavra-America-is-Dumb_ Land and... make sure... she has a... good life, even... without... me...'_

''Wow, wow, wow, wait just a minute!''

_Sigh, what is it, Prussia-san?_

''This dude just randomly kidnaps our Prince and then expects us to help him?''

_You're really getting into this story, aren't you? Besides, I don't really have a choice... I-I mean... um... B-Belarus-san, would you please take that knife a-away from me now?  
><em>

''That's besides the point! Story-me ain't doin' nothing this bastard-''

_Prussia-san, what's this?  
><em>

''A baseball bat with rusty nails.''

_And what do you think I'm going to do with it? Certainly not beat you to a bloody pulp when you refuse to do as I say, right?_

**''Not. Romantic. Enough.''**

_S-sorry, Belarus-san! Rewind!_

_'Please, take my dear Natasha with you to _Abracadabra-Avada-Kedavra-America-is-Dumb_ Land and... make sure... she has a... good life, even... without... me...' Ivan managed to say before he coughed up more blood. _

_'No!' Natalia struggled against the magic her husband had used to keep her from running to him. 'I refuse! This man... he killed you, Ivan!'_

_'Natasha, be... reasonable...' Ivan choked out. 'You must... live... please...' and as he died, his magic went along with him, finally letting Natalia go free. She ran to him and fell to her knees at his body, crying her eyes out on his chest, her face buried where his heart, a heart that will never beat again, was... _

_Whew! How was that?_

''...Satisfactory. But brother did not really die.''

_Huh?_

**''I said; brother did not really die.''**

_No, no! Of course not! It will all be explained later!_

**''Good.''**

''Ho boy, how's she gonna get out of this one?''

''Shut up and pass the popcorn.''

_You bastards... Anyway, out heroes plus Mathias and Yong Soo, the awesomeness that is the Lady of the Lake, the saved Prince Peter and the totally NOT WIDOWED Natalia set back to AAKAD Land, all happy and cheerful, even Natalia, because she knew she would be reunited with her husband again. _

_When they reached the gates of AAKAD Land, they were greeted by none other than the king and queen._

_'Peter!' King Arthut cried and hugged his younger brother. 'I thought you were lost forever!'_

_'Yes, we are all very happy you are all back,' Queen Francis said. 'Now, why don't you come and give me a hug, Peter?'_

_'Stop right there!' a voice called and everyone looked back, only for their eyes to nearly plop out at what they saw!_

_'What in the name of Yao's favorite Hello Kitty underwear...?' Sakura muttered._

_'Ivan...' Natalia gasped._

_'Impossible!' Gilbert said. 'I killed you with my own hands!'_

_'And I helped!' Mathias added, only to be hit over the head by Erik. _

_'How are you still alive?' Erik asked, totally cool and collected, in sharp contrast to all the others._

_'I'm just awesome like that,' Ivan shrugged, as if to say: 'No biggie.'_

''Fire...''

_Oh shut up, I'm too tired to think of a logical explanation. You try telling a story that takes nearly six pages of OpenOffice Writer!_

''STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, GODDAMN IT!''

_Okay, okay, geez. _

_'But what I wanted to tell you was... the puppeteer behind the kidnapping of Prince Peter was actually... Queen Francis!'_

_'Gasp!'_

_'Gasp!'_

_'Le Gasp!'_

_'Meh, saw it coming,' said Erik, looking extremely bored. _

''Dude, Norge, is it just me or does this story show you extremely well- OUCH!''

''You're annoying...''

_Anyhow..._

_'B-but how? How could you have known? My plan was perfect!' Francis cried._

_'You don't really have to be a genius to figure it out,' Ivan said. '1. Half the list you left with the prince after you left him on my doorstep were in French. 2. The back said; Property of Queen Francis. 3. I kind of had someone stalk you.' _

_'Then why didn't you tell us that when we came to save Prince Peter?' Antonio asked the question that had been bugging everyone since Warlock Ivan had revealed the shocking truth. _

_'Truth be told, it kind of slipped my mind...' Ivan scratched the back of his head with a sheepish smile, making everyone sweatdrop. 'But it's all fine now, da?'_

_'Dude! I killed you and you were innocent!' Gilbert yelled._

_'And I helped!' Mathias added, making many roll their eyes. _

_'Ah, all is forgiven!' Ivan waved them off. _

**''Where. Is. My. Romance?''**

_Natalia couldn't hold it any longer and tackled him, crying from the joy and relief washing over her. It was a very touching scene, everyone got teary eyes and all the cliché stuff that went with it. But, in all the drama, nobody paid attention to Queen Francis._

_'All of you, stay still!' the man in a dress yelled and pointed a gun at them._

''Aneue...''

_Kiku, I'm tired and hungry and I really just want to be done with this story, so let us just say this is some crazy universe where guns existed in the Middle Ages. Agreed? Good._

_'Nobody move!' Francis yelled. 'I have a gun and I'm not afraid to use it!'_

''Pft, if only he was like that during the wars that actually mattered.''

_England-san, you can make fun of him later. Back to the story;_

_All who were gathered by the gate were frozen with shock. What were they to do now!_

''Summon my troll and have him attack, of course.''

_Norway-san, your troll is great and everything, but for the sake of ending this story, just play along with it. Please?_

''...Fine.''

_Lovely!_

_It seemed like the Queen was truly going to get away with the kidnapping of AAKAD Land's beloved prince! But then, out of the blue, a tower fell on him!_

_'At last!' Prince Alfred yelled as he jumped out of the fallen tower his parents had locked him inside. 'I am finally free! It took me years, but in the end, I managed to take down this hell-sent tower.' he then noticed the looks his father and the colorful group of people, that had somehow ended up together, were giving him. 'Is something wrong?' he asked. 'Is there something on my face?'_

_'Alfred, my son,' Arthur said slowly, reaching out and putting his hand on his son's shoulder. 'I never thought I would say this, but... I'm proud of you. You saved our entire kingdom.'_

_'I did?' Alfred asked, shocked. 'Wow, that's cool.' _

_'Yes, yes it is. Say, who's up for going to Medieval McDonalds? My treat.'_

_'AWESOME!' everyone yelled. _

_And they lived happily ever after. _The end.'' Sakura finished and collapsed against China, careful to avoid throwing Haku, who had fallen asleep, off her lap. The older nation patted her head.

''You did great, aru.'' he assured her. There was a moment of silence, then the who room was instantly filled with chatter, laughter, praises and light arguments.

''GREAT? DUDE, THE END WAS EFFING PRICELESS!'' America, always the loudest, yelled. ''Fire, I know you loved me!''

''Keep dreaming,'' the girl grumbled, tired eyes giving him a half-hearted glare as she rested her head on her mother/brother figure's shoulder. ''I was running out of idea and that was the first thing that I thought of, so yeah. Could someone please get me something to drink, my throat is killing me.''

''Is coke alright?''

''Yeah, thanks.''

''All right!'' America stood up to catch the attention of the talking nations. ''Was that awesome or not?'' there were many muttered agreements and approving nods, accompanied by the comments of those who had the 'pleasure' of being in the story too.

''Kesesese, I was the awesomest of them all!''

''I was a hero too!''

''Hm.''

''I was a damn witch, aru!''

''I finally got married, married, married, married...''

''I was married to that bloody frog!''

''I didn't get any lines, da-ze!''

''I _died_!''

''Well I was locked inside a tower till the last minute, so suck it up,'' the blonde man told them. ''Okay, lets hear some other stories! I bet that there aren't gonna be any to beat this...''

''Awesome story of awesomeness?'' Prussia suggested.

''Perfect! Hey, Greece, Turkey, Egypt, you guys haven't spoken at all! How 'bout you, Switzerland, Austria, I bet you guys could come up with something good! Finland, got any Christmas stories? No, Italy, I hardly think a pasta recipe is a story...''

Fine, Sakura admitted she had been wrong; it did feel good to take your mind off the many problems you were facing, even if only for one night. Smiling, she made herself comfortable as the next (un)lucky country started their story.

* * *

><p>Well, that took forever to write! Actually, I had a ton of ideas for this chapter, but none of them came out right, except this one. I'm actually really proud of it, thank you very much. I didn't really mean for any parings to be mentioned in this, since the FrUk was there just to piss both of them off and Belarus pretty much threatened Sakura into putting those RusBel scenes there...<p>

But if you squint, I think you can spot many parings in here~

**And for those who are confused:**

**Arthur – **England's canon human name.

**Francis – **France's canon human name.

**Alfred – **America's canon human name.

**Peter – **Sealand's canon human name.

**Ivan – **Russia's canon human name.

**Natalia 'Natasha' – **Belarus's canon human name and nickname.

**Gilbert – **Prussia's canon human name.

**Antonio – **Spain's canon human name.

**Mathias – **Denmark's fanmade human name.

**Erik – **Norway's fanmade human name.

**Yao – **China's canon human name.

**Yong Soo – **South Korea's canon human name.

**Kiku – **Japan's canon human name.

**Fire – **Nickname for Sakura (Land of Fire is too long, so I decided the other countries, especially the ones she was close to, but who weren't her family, would call her Fire.)

**Water – **Nickname for Haku (basically the same thing as above, except it's for Haku.)

**Dictionary**

**Fraulein – **Miss, young lady, in German.

**Dango – **a Japanese dumpling.

Oh, and did you see how awesomely I avoided revealing who Sakura's big brother was? That's because I haven't decided yet... I was thinking about putting someone who isn't very important to the plot as the Lands of Wind and Lightning, so Naruto and Sasuke are out of the question. I want to keep the Shinobi Nations' history and present events as close to the original Naruto anime/manga as I can, so... yeah. Sasori as Wind and Yugito Nii as Lightning are currently my favorite choices.

Tell me what you think (translation: Review.)


	3. Weeaboo no Jutsu

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Hetalia: Axis Powers.

* * *

><p><em>Calm down. Breathe. Don't-<em>

''I still don't know what's so wrong with-''

_Deep breaths, calm yourself. Inner peace, inner peace..._

''Are you completely insane? It's obviously not-''

_Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm._

''Look, we all have to hurry up with this-''

_Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm-_

''That's right! The world's going to end in 2012!''

_Stay calm stay calm stay calm-_

''Bull crap, aru.''

_Staycalmstaycalmstaycalm-_

''All your boobs belong to Korea, WAHAHA, da-ze!''

''THAT'S IT!'' A table went flying into a wall as what seemed to be the embodiment of pure rage, commonly known as the Land of Fire (or Sakura, but you wouldn't call her that without her permission unless you wanted a broken nose), finally lost her patience with the assembled countries. ''I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MORONS! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ARGUING OVER _FAST FOOD_?''

''Hey! Don't you say a word against McDonald's, woman!''

''SCREW YOU! HAVE YOU LOOKED AROUND RECENTLY? WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET IF YOU ALL KEEP PULLING SHIT LIKE THIS! NOW STOP SHOVING FUCKING JUNK FOOD DOWN YOUR THROATS, AND DO SOMETHING OTHERWISE THERE WILL BE _HELL_ TO PAY!'' With that the furious, red-faced, pinkette stomped her way out of the meeting room, slamming the door behind her with so much force that visible cracks appeared on the wall. Her not so gentle footsteps could be heard echoing in the empty hallway, accompanied by colorful curses in all languages she knew.

The room was silent for a moment.

''Well, _someone _needs a Happy Meal.'' America declared. ''Where are her siblings when you need them? Fire always explodes when they don't come to meetings.''

''_Explodes_? Man, that's an understatement. Did you see her face?'' Denmark shuddered lightly. ''For a minute, I honestly thought she was going to start breathing fire. Heh, get it? Fire breathing, Land of Fire.''

''You think that was bad?'' The Netherlands asked leaning back in his chair, completely unfazed by the show his old trade partner put on. He had known her longer than the others and had witnessed her infamous temper more than once. ''Tch, should have seen her when she was younger and pissed off 24/7. Damn, now _that _was scary.''

To say Sakura didn't like world meetings would be an understatement. She _loathed_ them with every fiber of her being. The constant arguing gave her headaches, and the sheer stupidity of the presented ideas made her want to weep for the future of mankind if their representatives continued to be... well, just plain dumb; not to mention unable to get along with one another ninety-nine percent of the time (not that she was really a shining example of agreeableness).

The young woman sighed tiredly and leaned against a wall in a deserted hallway, slowly sliding down to the floor. The world's current situation was anything but comforting, yet these morons chose to argue over McDonald's. _Fucking McDonald's_. And while that was more than enough of a reason to be angry, Sakura had to admit that she might have overreacted a little.

'_I feel so tense,' _she thought, resting her head against the wall and closing her eyes. _'I always get like this when I'm forced to go to meetings. Curse Ino-pig and Kiku for not being available. Why did I even start going to them in the first place?__ Oh, right…'_

**- SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME CHOCOLATY COATED MEGA ULTRA KAWAII DESU DESU MOE MOE KYUN NYAN NYAN THIS TITLE IS TOO LONG FLASHBACK -**

''Forgive me Aneue, I know how much you dislike these kinds of things.'' Japan managed to get out between numerous coughs. Sakura patted his head awkwardly; she never really knew how to act around her younger brother due to his great fear of people invading his personal bubble.

''No, it's fine, don't worry. I was planning on going to one anyways; you know, to keep in touch with the rest of the world.'' She said with a gentle smile, trying to hide her pitiful lie. She didn't want to worry Japan, especially since he should be more concerned about himself, considering his cold.

''Really?''

''Of course!'' _'__I suck at this,'_ she told herself mentally. ''After all, strengthening foreign relations will only do me good!'' The pinkette actually wasn't lying this time. Not counting her siblings, the only countries she had strong ties with were China (and Hong Kong), Taiwan, and South Korea. She had a decent friendship with Vietnam and Thailand, and still kept a close relationship with the Netherlands... but, that was about it. She really needed to make more friends, something even her boss was starting to pressure her into doing.

Japan however, seemed to get the wrong idea.

''N-nani?'' He probably would have jumped out of his futon had he not been attacked by another coughing fit. ''B-but, but, but... Aneue can't get married! Who will take care of Haku-chan and make sure Ino-nee-san doesn't get mixed up with the wrong man and-''

''Whoa, whoa, whoa!'' Sakura raised her hands to calm her overreacting brother. Her eyebrows were raised high in surprise, since truth be told, Japan didn't get this worked up very often. She had only seen him like this on a handful of occasions even though she had been practically glued to his side for as long she could remember. ''Who said anything about marriage? Kiku, I think you should lie back down, moving around isn't good for you-''

''I shall protect Aneue's honor with my life!''

* * *

><p>''...And then he started waving a katana around, so I said the meeting was soon and hauled ass out of there.'' Sakura finished, taking a long sip from her tea. Ino nodded wisely.<p>

''I guess that explains why you ran out of his room looking like the Rikudou Sennin himself was chasing after you.'' The blonde stated, eying her younger sister's cheesecake. She slowly reached for it, only to have her hand slapped away.

''Don't remind me,'' Sakura shivered at the memory of their father figure. ''I still have nightmares because of_ that_ incident.''

''Yeah, but that was... I don't even know what _that_ was! Anyway, did you have to drag me along too?''

''Are you kidding me? You know how Kiku gets when he's in his _'protect-my-sister's-honor'_ mode, he'd probably have a heart attack if he ever found out how many guys-'' Ino coughed loudly and sent a pointed look towards Haku, who was happily munching on his cookie, but still listening to the two. ''Uh, I mean…how many good male friends you have.''

''And I bet if you went out a bit more and maybe wore something a little sexier, men would want to-'' a well aimed kick to the shin effectively stopped the blonde midsentence.

''What did you want to say, Nee-chan?'' Haku asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion. Ino and Sakura exchanged looks; no wonder Japan mistook the young boy for a girl.

''Oh nothing, nothing! They would just want to become good friends with her. Very, very good friends.'' Ino sent the younger nation a sly smile while said girl glared murderously at her.

''Well excuse me for not wanting to come close to those perverts.'' she huffed, a light blush dusting her cheeks.

''Freaking _hot _perverts.'' Ino rested her head on her hand, an unholy smile on her face. ''Face it Saku, there are a lot of good looking men out there, and I bet you could have them all on their knees if you just tried a little bit. You are _my_ baby sis after all.''

''What are you-''

''Hey you!'' All three Shinobi Nations turned their heads towards the source of the voice and two pairs of eyebrows shot up in surprise. Haku just continued to eat his pastry while looking adorably clueless. Sakura made a mental note to squeal about it later. ''Who are you guys? I've never seen you around the meetings before.'' A young boy with short blond hair and very bushy eyebrows came up to the table the three nations were sitting at.

''You know, it's polite to introduce yourself first.'' Ino said. Sakura's head snapped towards her, about to tell her how much of a hypocrite she was being, when the boy slapped a hand to his forehead.

''Oh no, I forgot! Mama said something about that!'' He groaned before shaking his head. ''Can we start again, please, desu yo?''

''Uh, sure, we don't mind.'' Sakura nodded. Ino opened her mouth to protest, but a glare from the pinkette stopped her.

''Alright, okay,'' the young nation standing before them closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them, determination showing. ''Hi, desu yo! I'm Sealand! Would any of you like to become one with me?''

Well, they were expecting something strange, but not _that_.

Sakura spit out the tea she had just began to drink, Ino choked on the cheesecake she had snatched in the confusion, and even Haku stopped eating his sweets to stare. They gaped at the hopeful kid in open-mouthed horror (or confusion, in Haku's case).

''Well? Please, pretty ladies?'' Sealand asked with a trembling lip and puppy dog eyes. ''Everyone else said no, and I really, really want to become important.''

''Eh, look Sea-chan,'' Ino began slowly. ''It's not... I mean... just...'' she gave her sister a look that screamed _'do something!_' and Sakura complied. Say what you want about the two, but when it was needed, they could work together remarkably well.

''Becoming one with someone is a very big step in a relationship,'' Sakura explained, an apologetic smile on her face. ''Maybe you should wait until you're a little bit older to ask someone that. I'm sure that one day you'll find a very nice and pretty girl, who will love you and-''

''SEALAND! Where are you brat?'' An enraged roar sounded from down the hallway and four heads turned to see the cause of the racket. Sakura resisted the urge to headdesk; what the hell was it now?

''Oh great, here comes the King of Jerks.'' Sealand muttered under his breath as a man who could very well be his older brother stopped in front of them. He was slightly red and out of breath due to running, but his green eyes were narrowed in anger. ''What do you want Jerk England?''

''What do I want? _What do I want?_'' England was practically fuming by now. ''I want you to stay out of world meetings! You're not a country Sealand, you can't attend them. Would you just accept that and stop trying to sneak in?''

''You just wait! One day I'll become big and strong, and then _I'll _be the one ordering you around!'' Sealand yelled furiously.

''That'll be the day.'' England growled before he straightened himself and looked around. The Asian countries, who were still watching the two with amusement and confusion clear on their faces, immediately caught his attention. ''Sealand, who's this?''

''Oh, that's...'' the boy paused, remembering he had no idea who he asked to become one with him a few minutes ago. ''Eh... I think Papa is calling me. See you later!'' And he was off.

''Bloody little...'' The older country muttered as he stared after the retreating figure of his younger brother. He sighed and turned to face the three countries, a slight frown on his face. ''I'm England. Now, would you please introduce yourselves quickly? I've got work to do.'' He either missed or ignored the pinkette's eye twitch, but the smile that blossomed across her face did a very good job of unsettling him.

''_Watashi wa Hi no Kuni desu, _(I'm the Land of Fire)'' Sakura stood and bowed to the English gentleman curtly. ''_Hajimemashite, Igirisu-san._ (It's nice to meet you, England-san.)''

''Uh...'' The bushy-browed blonde stared at the pink haired girl, his brows furrowed, trying to figure out what she had just said. He looked to Ino for help, but the other young woman had caught on to the game her little sister was playing.

''_Watashi no namae wa Tsuchi no Kuni desu,_ (My name is the Land of Earth)'' She said cheerfully. ''_Genki Desuka? _(How are you?)''

To say England was completely lost would be an understatement. (Un)fortunately, a certain superpower chose this time to stroll by.

''Yo England, what's up dude?'' he asked as he slapped his 'big brother' on the shoulder.

''_Anata wa dare desu ka?_ (Who are you?)'' Ino asked, looking at the blond haired, blue eyed man with a raised eyebrow.

''Huh?'' America stared at her like she had grown a second head. ''What are they saying England?''

''Hell if I know,'' the Brit admitted. ''I think it's Asian... Japanese maybe.''

''_Atarimae janai. _(No duh.)'' Sakura rolled her eyes.

''Oh, it's cool then!'' America said happily, pointing at himself. ''I know how to speak weeaboo!''

England looked at him in an _'are you kidding me?'_ way, while Sakura elbowed Ino and whispered: ''_Kore wa yoi nari souda. _(This is gonna be good.)''

''America, I don't think that's-''

America waved a hand at his old caretaker, cleared his throat and... ''_Chan chan desu chan neko neko. _(Behold my sparkling alley cat!)''

''_Nante ittano?_ (What did you say?)'' The two Shinobi Nations switched their gazes between each other and the American.

''_Desu desu Haruhi Suzumiya,_ (Porcupine love should not be prohibited,)'' the North American country continued. ''_Panty and Stocking... _(However...) _Lucky Star. _(I am not circumcised.)''

''_Nani? _(What?)'' Sakura blinked and glanced at her sister, who simply shrugged in response.

''_Yaoi! _(Butt sex!)'' America finished. The rosette's and blonde's mouths nearly dropped to the floor, something England took as a bad sign.

''What did you say to them?'' He asked suspiciously.

''Oh, well...'' The glasses wearing man scratched the back of his head, a sheepish smile on his face. ''I don't actually know...''

''Holy shit, dude.'' Sakura said, her mouth agape and her eyes wide.

''AHA! So you _do_ speak English!'' The object of her disbelief cried victoriously.

''Of course I do. How else am I supposed to communicate with the world?''

''Actually Sak,'' Ino cut in. ''You don't really interact with anyone besides me, Kiku and Haku-chan.''

''That's beside the point.''

''Whatever you say.''

''Good to know we agree on it.''

''Indeed.''

There was a moment of awkward silence.

''I still don't know who you two are.'' England pointed out.

''Oh, right,'' Sakura exclaimed, happy for the change in subject. ''I'm the Land of Fire, Japan's older sister. This is the Land of Earth, my...older sister.''

''What's with the pause?'' Ino asked, a frown on her pretty face.

''Oh, nothing~'' The other girl sang innocently.

''I didn't know Japan has sisters.'' America tilted his head to the side while England nodded in a rare moment of agreement.

''Though I must say, it explains a lot.''

''It's not just us,'' Ino said, completely ignoring the not-really insult. ''There's also the Lands of Wind and Lightning and of course, our cute baby brother the Land of Water!''

''Speaking of which...'' Sakura started slowly, looking around the empty cafe. ''Where's Haku?''

''…''

''…''

''Oh shit.''

England had no idea how he got himself dragged into this situation. All he knew was that America and himself were trying to keep up with an extremely pissed off pinkette chasing after a scared looking blonde. Both were yelling insults and threats in numerous languages at each other.

''YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH HIM!'' The younger woman screamed, her eyes burning with rage, her long hair flying behind her. ''CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE ANY MORE USELESS PIG?''

''Hey now, let's not get violent,'' The older of the two looked over her shoulder, only to cringe and run faster. ''I mean, it's not like he's missing or anything.''

''Oh really now?'' Sakura sharply came to a halt. She folded her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at the blonde who had also come to a stop; albeit at a safe distance from her enraged little sister. She payed no mind to the two men behind her trying to catch their breath. ''Well then, do you happen to know where he is? Or how he got there? Do you even know when or why he left? Do you, Pig?''

''Look here, Forehead-''

''Oh no you don't!'' the rosette cut her off. ''Kami fucking Sama, Ino!''

''Now ladies,'' England tried to calm them down. All he received in return were two murderous glares, as if he was the one responsible for the whole fiasco. But he was used to them, seeing who his brothers and neighbors were. He simply brushed them off. ''How about we calm down and try to think logically for a second?'' The two girls muttered something that he couldn't quite catch, but complied none the less. ''If I understand correctly, your brother is missing?''

''Yes, but he wouldn't be if Miss Piggy here would actually think about anything other than shacking up with every guy she meets.''

''You got something to say, Billboard Brow?''

''Enough!'' The European country yelled, predicting the two would jump at each other's throats at any moment. ''Would he have any reason to do so?''

''Not that I know of.''

''Nope.''

''And what does he look like?''

''Short, black hair, brown eyes...''

''Girly.''

''_Extremely _girly.''

''Good,'' England nodded, briefly wondering if he should be writing all of this down. He shook his head, reminding himself that he wasn't a great detective just because Sherlock Holmes originated from his country. ''Next, if you could tell me-''

''Hey, guys,'' America said, opening his mouth for the first time since Sakura's temper blew up. ''Isn't that-''

''Not now America, can't you see we're busy?'' England asked, clearly annoyed.

''But isn't that the kid?'' Three heads snapped towards the direction he was pointing, quickly followed by three different faces adopting varying expressions of terror.

''Sweet mother of ramen...'' Sakura muttered, her left eye twitching.

''WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!'' A blob of black, blue, white and yellow passed over their heads, flying so fast it was nearly impossible to identify. Luckily the two girls had sharp vision, and while their charka was sealed to prevent any damage at meetings, the seal didn't affect their other skills. As such, it was very easy for them to see what the blob actually was; their dear, sweet, little brother, with a certain sailor suit clad boy attached to him.

''Good grief.'' Ino muttered tiredly, running her hand down her face. She turned to where her sister was supposed to be, only to shake her head when she spotted the younger girl sprinting full speed after the blob. ''Wait up damn-''

''DON'T WORRY HAKU-CHAN, ONEE-CHAN IS COMING TO SAVE YOU!''

''STOP YELLING!''

* * *

><p>''...So let me get this straight,'' the Land of Wind rubbed his temples. ''Haku and a weird sailor kid were flying because the latter is apparently some sort of robot, or something like that, and was trying out his rocket boosters."<p>

''Yes.''

''And after you caught sight of them, you and Ino followed them to the meeting room, where you learned that they had crashed through the door and in the process nearly crushed Germany. _Germany_, of all people.''

''Yeah.''

''So you and Ino grabbed Haku and ran the hell out of there before anyone could recognize you.''

''Yep.''

''I still don't get why you're here.''

''Um, the thing is, the meeting is supposed to extend late into the night and all assembled countries are supposed to stay in an assigned hotel. So, we can't exactly go back, but we also can't go home since Kiku knows about the schedule and... um... we don't want to face him just yet.''

''And?''

''We were hoping we could... possibly... crash here... for a while...?'' Sakura gave her older brother a sheepish smile. Sasori stared at her along with an equally embarrassed Ino, who was holding a sleeping Haku in her arms. Finally, the red-haired nation sighed and moved away from his front door, allowing his younger siblings to come in.

''There are some spare futons in the closet,'' he said. ''Not exactly new, but they'll do. Make yourselves at home.''

''Have I told you lately that you're the best big brother ever?''

''Yeah, yeah. Just don't touch my puppets.''

''Don't worry, your dolls are safe.''

''_Puppets_. There's a difference.''

''Whatever you say Onii-san. Whatever you say.'' Sakura smiled as she and Ino headed towards the aforementioned closet. Sasori rolled his eyes and closed the door, allowing himself just the faintest of smiles after he was sure they couldn't see him. He hadn't seen them since the Shinobi Union had fallen apart, and he had missed his youngest brother and sisters, if only a little (though he would never _ever _admit it).

'_But if they break anything, I'm kicking them out.'_ He promised himself, cringing at the thought of the trouble those three seemed to bring anywhere they went. The incident today was just another reminder of that.

**- END FLASHBACK -**

And that is the story of how Sakura met America, England, and Sealand, and succeeded in avoiding her first world meeting. Something she would continue to do for the rest of her days (if she could help it). Though today she was forced to break her promise to herself, on account of Japan and Ino being busy, and at least one of them had to attend the meeting.

''Hey,'' a voice to the girl's left said.

''Have they calmed down yet?'' Sakura asked instead of answering. Hungary snorted and sat down next to her.

''As if, now they're bitching at each other over who has the right to call you by your human name.'' The older woman said with a strong tint of amusement in her voice. ''You should have seen the look on their faces when I told them I had that 'privilege'.''

''Yeah, but you're my best friend, not to mention you supply me with awesome blackmail material.'' Sakura grinned, making the other female laugh. ''But seriously, they're arguing over something like that?''

''Yep. America tried to call you 'Sakura', but a chandelier fell on him. Nobody has any idea how it happened, but it was incredibly funny.''

''Figures,'' the rosette rolled her eyes and stood up, stretching her tired limbs. ''You feel like going back there?''

''Hell no.''

''Good, 'cause we're ditching these idiots. Wanna come over? We could have an anime marathon and watch all episodes of anything we can think of, until our eyes start bleeding from the sheer hotness of all the sexy characters.''

''You got any Durarara, Katekyo Hitman Reborn and Kuroshitsuji?''

''Of course, I didn't know you liked- Oh. You really need to stop looking at everything through your Yaoi goggles you know.''

''Oh come on, like you're any better.''

''...Guilty as charged.''

* * *

><p>Agh, I can't believe how long it took for me to write this. I'm sorry I made you guys wait so long.<p>

But anyway, since so many of you asked, yes, this is a MultiSaku story, but please be patient until we get to the real romance. In the meantime, try to enjoy these filler chapters. Oh, and if you know where I got America's weeaboo speak from, then you are officially made of win.

Yay, Saso-chan's first appearance! Cheer with me, y'all.

Also, Sasu-Cakes137 was kind enough to volunteer to check my spelling, for which I shall forever be grateful. You're the most awesome being in the universe (except for Prussia, of course).

Read and Review~


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